I don’t know where to begin. I guess that’s the reason why I want to write right now. I am having a REAL tough week. In an effort to share the good/the bad/the ugly cries, let me fill you in a bit.
I don’t know about you but since I have left high school, my social life has been on a rollercoaster of ups and downs, chucking some poor souls right off my ride. I have jumped from group to group trying to find a “squad”, walking away with a few gems but quite a few more duds. It’s not that I think people suck and I am great, I just haven’t been able to find my people. The people who want to slackline, people who want to do yoga on the stage at Canatara, people who don’t mind me trying reiki or acro or anything else with them.
I have been feeling lost because friendships are really hecking hard to navigate. There are great days and awful days and when they bleed together, it’s just so BLAH. Am I making any sense? Probably not but I hope you feel what I’m trying to get at. It feels like I am swimming in a dark ocean and I just want some pals to help me survive the ride. It’s lonely out here!!
This morning was awful. I have really intense anxiety about going to work. It makes no sense. I love what I do, where I work and the people I work with are amazing. (Shoutout to any folks from the TV reading this, you are AWESOME) Anyways, this morning my anxiety came on so hard and fast all I could do was cry and cry and cry. I felt like I was walking thru a daze and it SUCKED. If you have pre-work anxiety, please know you aren’t alone. Catch me in my car every day at 2:45 having a meltdown over nothing. Luckily, I had a very handsome manbear to hold me and remind me everything would be okay.
Blah. Does any of this make sense? Am I a loser to post this? Meh, who carezzzzz. Hope you catch my drift. It’s okay to be lost and lonely and scared, just keep showing up and pushing forward anyways…whatever that looks like to you.
Until next time,