A Bit On Losing Your Way

I don’t know where to begin. I guess that’s the reason why I want to write right now. I am having a REAL tough week. In an effort to share the good/the bad/the ugly cries, let me fill you in a bit.

I don’t know about you but since I have left high school, my social life has been on a rollercoaster of ups and downs, chucking some poor souls right off my ride. I have jumped from group to group trying to find a “squad”, walking away with a few gems but quite a few more duds. It’s not that I think people suck and I am great, I just haven’t been able to find my people. The people who want to slackline, people who want to do yoga on the stage at Canatara, people who don’t mind me trying reiki or acro or anything else with them.

I have been feeling lost because friendships are really hecking hard to navigate. There are great days and awful days and when they bleed together, it’s just so BLAH. Am I making any sense? Probably not but I hope you feel what I’m trying to get at. It feels like I am swimming in a dark ocean and I just want some pals to help me survive the ride. It’s lonely out here!!

This morning was awful. I have really intense anxiety about going to work. It makes no sense. I love what I do, where I work and the people I work with are amazing. (Shoutout to any folks from the TV reading this, you are AWESOME) Anyways, this morning my anxiety came on so hard and fast all I could do was cry and cry and cry. I felt like I was walking thru a daze and it SUCKED. If you have pre-work anxiety, please know you aren’t alone. Catch me in my car every day at 2:45 having a meltdown over nothing. Luckily, I had a very handsome manbear to hold me and remind me everything would be okay.

Blah. Does any of this make sense? Am I a loser to post this? Meh, who carezzzzz. Hope you catch my drift. It’s okay to be lost and lonely and scared, just keep showing up and pushing forward anyways…whatever that looks like to you.

Until next time,

Alexis

A Bit on Fears

It is finally warming up around here. I don’t see any snow and I feel very #blessed about that. I have been hanging out in my room going through clothes and purging. It feels amazing!! My closet was a disgusting black hole where sweaters went to die so I fixed that all up and I am feeling great.

Today, I am taking a road trip. Maybe you know or maybe you don’t, but I suffer with intense driving anxiety. It will show up out of nowhere and freaks me TF out. Luckily, I have beautiful Fancy Nan to drive me safely to visit our H. I have a book full of mindfulness practices (thank you Gramma!) packed with me so I am ready for anything. I am feeling okay and I laid off the coffee this morning so it should be smooth sailing.

I am sharing this with you because I think it is important to face your fears in the ways you feel comfortable. There are many things we can’t control but we can control how we respond to situations. My sweet darling friend Heather wanted me to visit her. I felt intense anxiety about getting there. Instead of “trucking it out” and nail-biting my way thru that drive, I decided to ask Nan if I could join her. I get to have my cake and eat it too, people! You can decide how you respond to the invitation. You have so much power!

I must go and make a tea for the drive. Keep it real my friends, don’t forget to be bold and brave and quiet and meek and know that it is all working together. Love you!

Until next time,
Alexis

Winter Bytes 2

I have “had it all figured out” more times than I can count. I try to take it easy on myself because I am only 22 hecking years old and I am just out to have a lot of fun. I get reaaaaallly easily bored with jobs/school/hobbies and move onto the next bright idea I have. LOL.

I am currently going thru a weird period. I am working a job I love, doing awesome work that really helps people directly, but I feel uninspired. I show up and give my all to make sure my people have an awesome day. I go home, read books, eat up podcasts & try to do the whole self-improvement thing. Most of the time, I feel in the zone and on my game. January always fucks that all up. The snow and cold absolutely put me into a weird space.

BUUUUUUUUT.

I have been here before & I will be here again. Life is so crazy. When I was in high school, I was a tough little beyotch (or so I thought teehee). No adults knew what they were talking about because how could they have possibly ever felt what I was feeling?! Hehehhahahahhohooho. Listen to your mom, she always will know more than you do. Anyways, I would roll my eyes whenever someone sat me down and told me that the world wasn’t ending. (UM, yes it was, I puked in the hall at the high school dance! LIfE wAs OvErRrRRRrRRRR) I have always had a dramatic flair to my feelings but lately I have been learning how to see them, feel them, and then let them go & move on with my day.

I am really bad with piecing things together lately. Hopefully you are picking up what I’m putting down here. January sucks, you will get through this, I am here for you! As the great Oprah Winfrey once said, “Passion is energy. Feel the power that comes from focusing on what excites you.”

Until next time,
Alexis

PS. If I have been ignoring you or being a real asshat with plan-making, consider this my apology. I love you! I am going thru LIFE, thanks for being my friend.

Victories & Defeats

I am back! I just got home late last night from my 10-hour drive straight from Nashville. My mama, sisters and I went. Suuuuuuch a victory. It is the most amazing place! 

Our first day we went down Broadway & visited a few bars, shopped way too much and ate sooooo much pork I think I gained 25 (delicious) pounds. The absolute best pulled sammy was at Martin’s. I wish I could inject their sauce into my VEINS. 😍  We spent a night at the Opry which was magical to be a part of. There were so many cool acts, all unique but somehow went together perfectly. The stage is huge. It felt so neat to be sitting in the same seats soooo many others had sat in before, enjoying the same experience. Our last supper was by far the best thing that happened FO SHO. My sweet, sweet, sweet mother treated us to The Melting Pot. Which for you peasants out there, is a FONDUE restaurant!! I will never forget that cheese fondue. I wanted to take the hot bowl and stuff the entire thing down my gullet. I resisted that but hot dang, the apple/melty cheese bites were sooooo heavenly. I had such a fun time with my framjam & I can’t wait to see where we go next. 

But with as always, when you are having a great time, life hands you a slap of reality ✊🙀 I finally paid off my car after 2 hellish years of jacked up interest payments YEHAW. I have been driving around for awhile, blissfully ignoring the rattling of my car and the bright ABS light everytime I turned the beauty on. Today I decided to swallow my pride and get it checked.

F*ck.

Two bald tires, one almost snapped bearing and a mental breakdown later, I left my sweetie behind in the shop and went home with my mom (oh ya, the stress of dealing with any car issues sends me off the deep end so I ran from the guy, bawling like a baby and called my mommy to rescue me). Suuuuuuch a defeat. 

Life has been throwing me a few wacky curveballs all at once but I know I can handle it. I can’t help but look back in these moments and be thankful for my coping skills I developed over the years. Back in highschool, if this happened to my car, I would have not been able to gain perspective of the situation so quickly. Although I had a huge cry, so what? Tomorrow I will begrudingly pay the kind mechanic what he wants and be back on the road. I am not quite sure what I am trying to say here, but just know that you are doing better than you think you are.

Life gets tough but you can handle that shizzzz playa 💕

Until next time,

Alexis

A Moment of Reflection

Did you hear? It’s almost 2018! I am feel gratified in what I accomplished this year but also definitely ready for a breath of new air. The change of the calendar year always sparks some big internal movements for me so I figured I could do some summarizing here 🙂 Before I get into all those juicy future projects & tingz, let me have a moment of reflection.

I rang in 2017 with a tight group of people & an insane amount of food. Justin’s pulled pork is LEGIT. The Packer’s won the NFC North title & all was well in the world. I was working casually at a nursing home where I live, applying to programs I thought were totally right for me (spoiler: nope). This summer, I was lucky enough to become employed with a wonderful social service organization as a job coach. I worked 1 on 1 with 3 students in the community and reconnected with my desire to demand more from my work. I didn’t just want to work for a paycheque but I desired to feel dang fulfilled at the end of the day. Working as a PSW was an amazing experience but personal care doesn’t leave much time for social connection. My new job is totally awesome & I get to spend 1 on 1 time working with clients who fill me with joy each hour.

The last few months have been a total whirlwind but I am so happy to be here. This year I have dove deep into my passion for yoga, cooking and personal development. I have gained invaluable skills from how to properly store food for freezing, to figuring out which breathing techniques can calm me down quickest.

I won some, I lost some, I made it.

Now, ONTO THE JUICY STUFF. I am super excited for the new year. Over the holidays, my friend gifted me the most amazing personalized journal. My mom gave me a yoga sequencing deck and I have been trying to more actively incorporate structure into my mat time. I am preparing some posts for a reveal in the next few months with some instructional yoga! Woo0o0o0o0o0t. I’m not yet certified but I’d love to show you how I do my thing and see if that helps you 🙂

I also have been diving back into my love of reading lately. I want to share more on that too 🙂 I have a whack load of books about a whack load of different things. Let me know if either of these two things sound coolio to you!

Thanks for reading. I hope however you choose to ring in the new year, you have a great time. Be kind, do good things for others, never forget to blow out the candles.

Until next time,
Alexis

Winter Bites #1

I have been thinking a lot about timelines. Engrained in us since our first day of school is something like graduate, go to college, graduate, get job, get married, get house. Wowie. Heck that! 

I have been thinking a lot about how there is no right or wrong way to this. Thinking about how when I gave myself space to tweak my path here & there, it opened up a whole can of courage inside of me. 

I have been thinking a lot about how there is space for everything. Why can’t there be room for yoga lovers and shrimp lovers (ew) to co-exist? Teehee. A little bit woo-woo but I am so dang serious in my sentiment. 

Don’t let people scare you or spook you or talk you out of following whatever you feel is right for you. Keeping it short and sweet because I am cuddling with a dog infront of a fire right now. 

Do something kind today.

Until next time, Alexis 

How It Feels to Fail

Today I checked my Linkedin page. What would seem like a boring & mundane task to some, was the exact same action that sent me off the emotional deep end. I consider myself an extremely outgoing & positive person but the cold, overcast weather always hits me fiercely. Throw in the fact that I dropped out of my golden ticket program and you have a pretty good mix for a meltdown.

When I logged onto my page, I was immediately hit with all the current updates in the nuclear sector & power engineering world. How thrilling! I had 2 invites from prior classmates who are still continuing in the course. I felt a sting of disappointment in myself. It hurts to pay the piper and be honest about what you want to do with the rest of forever. I thought that I was going to run the plants and show the boys who the real boss was, but instead I am just another CPET dropout.

Of course I know I am not failing. The program was not for me and I won’t let the fact that I let it go become a heavy rock I carry forever. But right now, it fecking sucks. I poured my heart into getting in and cried actual tears of joy when I got my acceptance. I felt like I had the world in front of me and now I don’t.

But the thing is, I do. I have all the same opportunities accessible to me just maybe not the proper qualifications for some. That’s fine! I can’t do it all, yo! Neither can you. Take a breather. We are in this together. It feels so dang good to have moments of acceptance where I know I made the right choice. I am working with clients and am able to bring more fun & recreation to their life. I am so lucky! Bumps in the road happen to everyone, I just am finding the space to let myself be disappointed but then get over it. Things are looking up, always.

Until next time,
Alexis

A Love Letter to My Idol

I was having trouble coming up with a topic to blog about tonight. All of a sudden I was overcome with an intense urge to tell the world all about the woman I love most. She is courageous and beautiful and the strongest person, man or woman, I know. I am lucky enough to call this lady my mom.

My mom has never had it easy. She will never complain about it but this lady has been handed shit sandwich after shit sandwich and still finds a way to smile each day. She created a store, following her heart even if it wasn’t the path she stayed on forever. She took an ugly situation and turned it into a nursing diploma. She lived through proverbial fire after fire but here she is. She is AMAZING.

Not only is my mom astonishingly strong, she is sooooo kind. She has a heart bigger than Texas I am sure. She has taught me how to be compassionate in the face of hate and how to treat others with grace even when they probably don’t deserve it. She has taught me that you can make excuses or you can make things happen. If you don’t choose the right path, have the courage to start again. Try until you succeed. My mom has taught me a lifetime of lessons and I am forever indebted to her because of that.

She has provided my sisters and I with a beautiful childhood, a warm & welcoming home and a steady parent to depend on. She is the sun and moon and all the stars. I am so proud to be her daughter and I hope she feels that every second.

Don’t be so proud that you forget to love your Mom. She brought you into this world and she will probably take you out of it if you rip holes in her favourite Old Navy top. I love you, Mom!

Until next time,
Alexis

Sundaze

Sunday is my favourite day of the week although I haven’t always been this way. When I was younger, Sunday was usually filled with an absurd amount of chores. From cleaning the garage to vacuuming the stairs, the weekend was the time we attempted to make our house not look like a bomb had just gone off. I resented waking up early but the level of satisfaction that a clean space brought me was unparalleled.

Whenever I find myself truly worried about something, I am probably not far from the dishwasher either. Cleaning up the space around me always leads to cleaner energy and a more focused Alexis. As a simple start, I definitely encourage you to pick a room in your house. Commit to filling one bag with things you can donate. This will make you feel good for donating your gently used items and cleaning up – double whammy.

Sunday’s have become my dedicated self-care day. On Sunday’s, I don’t feel guilty for saying no. I do me. Today I spent the afternoon rearranging my bedroom and it feels so good to type this to you from my new den corner. I was trialling sleeping away from the walls but now I am gratefully tucked between two. Exciting stuff over here I know but I like to celebrate the small stuff and a beautiful new bedroom set-up definitely tops the list. After that, my sidekick and I went off to the Holiday Inn. For $10 you can use their hot tub, pool and sauna. Maaaajor key! We brought eucalyptus oil and heated up the sauna with that hawt healing STEAM. As another awesome reward, I also found the book I’ve been looking for during my clean up wooooot. (Big Magic by Liz Gilbert, sooooo looking forward to it)

As a parting gift, I offer you this tip: you can give more of yourself when you are full. When you shamelessly take the time to connect back to yourself, however that may be, you are able to share more generously with those around you. If this doesn’t sit right with you, I totally feel that and in no way am I trying to tell you how to do you.

I choose to spend my time focusing on how I can keep my tank full and giving others the space to do the same. Wherever you are reading this, I hope you have a great week!

Until next time,
Alexis

Meditation Station

Feeling most compelled to share how I practice meditation and just how powerful it can be. I have been told for years by everyone and their mama that I should start meditating and I never took it seriously. Until I found myself with 5 weeks off and decided to explore the guided meditation side of Youtube.

WOWIE. Thank goodness! I am so thankful to have recently stumbled into this amazing practice. It gives me a moment to slow down, find my breath and get comfortable when I may be feeling anything but. I feel like meditation has given me 2 seconds in my reaction time to things which is a pretty big deal as I have been known to fly off the handle pretty suddenly. Opps. You win some, you lose some. Anyways, here are some tips I think you will find helpful when beginning your practice:

1. Make sure you let others know around you that you need 20 minutes to chill. It may seem awkward to tell your fam or roomies you are meditating but it sure beats being interrupted 14 out of 20 minutes through the session.

2. Set the atmosphere! You deserve to completely relax. Take some time to make the lighting and meditation space as welcoming as possible. I usually meditate in bed cuddled up with my fuzzy blankets with my diffuser going. It is my heaven so I suggest you find whatever makes you feel the most zzzzeeeeennnnn. Other suggestions include lighting candles, burning incense, making a cup of tea to accompany day-time meditations or putting on your favourite chill out playlist.

3. Get comfortable. Once you let them people KNOW and get your den zen all set, it’s time to do the work (of relaxing). Feel free to adjust yourself as many or as little times as you would like during the meditation. When I first started, I felt very overwhelmed with thoughts of “Am I doing this right? Do I have to lie still this whole time?” Shake it out, let loose! This is your time. Take a few deep breaths, inhaling to the count of 5, holding for 4, and exhaling for 7. Totally just a guide, but that is my current go to relaxation breathing technique.

4. While you meditate, you will probably have 152783 intruding thoughts. Don’t judge yourself homie. As soon as you take notice of these intrusive thoughts, focus back on your breath. Connect back to your breath as many times as you need. There is no award for being the best here.

After you complete your meditation, you will hopefully be feeling more vibrant and positive. I have been totally shocked how a few weeks of dedicated breathing time has benefitted me. Here are a few of my favorite guided meditations:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GEkJMRDhvsw

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z3ce69YHWNs

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e33dETmxAr0

Hopefully you found this info helpful, let me know how it goes for you in the comments or on the contact page.

Until next time, Alexis